His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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