Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
