My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
