I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
