you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
