The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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