my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
