He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You made out with two different species that night
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
