dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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