Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
