Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
