I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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