when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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