If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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