Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
