Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
