Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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