fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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