there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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