Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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