Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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