Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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