thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
