god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
