Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
