I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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