I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
