my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
