He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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