this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
