Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
