it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
be right there i have to get my cape
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
