How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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