Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
