I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she peed on how many people?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
