does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My feet surprised me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
