He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
