can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
