I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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