I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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