She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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