I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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