Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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