Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
