dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
