In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
