If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
