We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
