Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
