Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
