yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He called his prostate his "boner button".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
