someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
