I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
