Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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