She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
