i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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