i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
