So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
